The Great Gong Sounds! The World Rejoices in the Selection of a new Zen Pope, Bodhidharma XVI

The Great Gong sounded inside Zenican Compound near Beijing today, heralding the election of the new Zen Pope who chose for himself the name Bodhidharma XVI.

Shortly thereafter, Bodhidharma appeared before the crowd wearing the traditional ragged robe and flipflops and was greeted by cheers and shouts of "Svaha!" Zen Pope Bodhidharma, formerly American Roshi Jerry Smith, is the first New World zen pope, following a Pole, and before that, a dozen centuries of Chinese, Mongolian, Korean and Japanese zen popes. The predecessor to Bodhidharma XVI, Hung-Jen Hui-Neng II, is considered by most to have been extraordinarily great and to have retired to Parinirvana.

As all of you who have paid any attention to history know, the zen popes have been important figures on the world scene for the last century. Calming heightened tensions between the Chinese and Japanese governments sixty years ago, Zen Pope Cats Meow VI was able to forestall the entry of Japan into a world conflict on the side of the Nazis. The dust-up that ensued, known as "The Quiet War," where Allied Forces routed the Nazis without firing a shot, was over in a week.

Several years later, Zen Pope Misty Cloud III was instrumental in calming tensions when the Maoists took over China. The Dalai Lama has given the then-pope a great deal of credit for preventing a takeover of Tibet that was thought possible in the late 1950s. Many historians today laugh at the idea of a Chinese invasion of  the fabled wonderland of Tibet.

The Dalai Lama left his residence in Llasa last week to participate in the funeral for Zen Pope Hui-Jen Hui-Neng II. The leader of Tibet has stayed in the peaceful city of Beijing this past week, discussing events with gatherings of Buddhists and worldwide political leaders. Meantime, great roshis gathered in seclusion in Zenican Compound composing gothas in competition for the eventual selection/election of the new Zen Pope.

The early betting favorite, according to bookmakers in Britain, was Roshi Zhivago of Russia. Word, leaked from the Zenican, was that his gotha, titled "Straighten Up and Fly Right" was judged "a little too dusty" for the sensibilities of the assemblege, ending his chances for selection. Roshi Jerry Smith's gotha, "No Soap," was considered a clever use of laundry day to make a profound point about purity and frugal use of electricity. His selection by acclimation resulted shortly after the gotha was read.

President Al Gore flew back to America after a short meeting with the new Zen Pontiff. Gore is known to have been very grateful to Zen Pope Hui-Jen Hui-Neng II who in 2000 convinced Republican Presidential candidate George Bush to not resist a full recount of Florida votes, and to allow a "do-over" in Briard county where confusing so-called butterfly ballots had been used. The re-vote and recount resulted in a victory for Gore in the state and shortly thereafter in the Electoral College, making him the 43rd president of the United States. Zen Pope Hui-Jen Hui-Neng was later with the President when he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 2002 for his actions which peacefully brought democracy to the nation of Iraq. The American people were so grateful for The Great and Endless Peace, as it's been called, a Constitutional Amendment received bountiful public support that allows Gore, specifically, an unlimited number of terms as the country's president.